An open letter to the viewing public, April 27, 2008

You may have heard that Jimmy Fallon has been named the next host of Late Night.

Even though I have been running for host of Late Night for two years now, this sadly comes as no shock.

We all know how this works. Shady deals are made in smoke-filled back rooms, and the next thing you know, there's a new host of Late Night. I call bullshit on that.*

There are those who are begging me to quit my bid for the host chair. They're saying that it's time to put aside the rancor, and that my campaign can only rend the fabric of unity asunder.

Well, you know what?

The American people don't quit, and they deserve a host of Late Night that doesn't quit either!

The people never got a chance to have their voices heard. This is why we need to write to someone. Anyone! Pick an executive at NBC and write him or her (but let's face facts, it's a he because only an active member of the patriarchal hegemony would choose Jimmy Fallon as their host for Late Night) a disappointed POSTCARD, saying that you never had a chance to have your voice heard, and that they can't silence the voice of the people forever.

Tell them that you want it put to an election, fair and square, and that you will respect the outcome.

Tell them that we brought democracy to Iraq, and that we will damn sure have it on our shores too.

Actually, don't just write anyone. Write:

NBC
Attn. Rick Ludwin
Programming Department
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112

And even though he is obviously a fascist, it's probably not a good idea to refer to him as such in your postcard. Be nice. Be cordial. Be firm.

This isn't over yet.

Chin up, stay strong, and VOTE JOE!!

Your next host of Late Night,

Joe Garden

*I am sorry for the strong language, but these are tough times. I promise that, as your host of Late Night, I will never work blue like that.

NEW! Take the JOE GARDEN QUIZ! Click here.

In 2009, esteemed Late Night host Conan O'Brien will leave the show he redefined in order to assume the duties of host of The Tonight Show. Who, then, will replace him? Those behind Vote Joe think Mr. O'Brien's replacement should be a man of the people. A person of meager roots who has lived the American dream by building himself up through making fun of everyone else. That person is Joe Garden, and he is scrubbed, pumped and primed to do the job. But he can't do it alone. It's up to you, the American and Canadian voter, to make your voice heard so that Late Night can have a host worthy of the show. After all, we cannot afford another Craig Kilborn. Vote Joe. He's up for it!

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